Introduction -

While I have invited you in my last post to my thoughts, my innermost thoughts, let me also tell you how I felt about myself.  I saw myself as a meek, nervous, introvert little being.  I wanted complete privacy!  Everything was so closed about me.  I sometimes even felt I am living in my own little world.  But I also knew that I need to come out.  Some people who I happen to encounter, mostly adults, often said to me that I need to come out of my cocoon.  I said I will but never tried or gave up even before trying. I carried on and everything seemed to go well and I had my own peace, in a way.  But eventually this sometimes made me feel a loner.  I found myself drifting away from people, from crowd.  This did not really make me happy.  Often I consoled myself that I do not happen to meet the right people, the ones who are my kind, whom I can actually interact with.  With my own will I was pushing people away from me but felt that they are pushing me away.  I felt scared and simply lacked confident.  I was clueless at that time, that these are normal and happens to others as well.  I thought I will grow up to be a different kind, maybe someone strange who will never be able to socialize, who will spend the entire life locked up in a room in total isolation.  But it did not go that way.  I had thoughts that had good motives.  I was very motivated by social welfare, community work, kindness, charity etc.  Hence these two things did not match.  How can I be caring so much for people and yet want to isolate myself?  I felt that my Unspoken Words had to be vented out. Sometimes I feel life is all about chances.  Perhaps it is.  But all the same, we need to make use of those chances and not let them go by.  So, as I was growing up, I tried picking up conversation here and there but mind you they were brief and to the point.  I kept it that way. Since I was not very outgoing or social I had limited topics to talk about.  It was mostly about books or school.  What else was there to talk about?  Sometimes I felt that no one wants to talk about these things.  But did I try?  No.  I just assumed. Now that is a purpose of my blog.  Do not just assume.  It confines you, limits you and stops you.  Just keep moving and give yourself chances.  If you are not sympathetic to yourself, no one will.  Life moved on....and I kept trying to live to my dream, dream to do a ton of things.  I knew I had to start somewhere..................!